Overcoming "Poor Dancer Syndrome"

Dear Chelsea,

I see this scenario time and time again in so many people, including myself: the poor dancer syndrome.

Honestly, dancing is a "rich" man's/women's hobby. Taking lessons, attending dances, private lessons, finding babysitter for my children so my husband and I can go out together, and attending events really take a toll on the wallet.

One of the reasons I rarely go out anymore is because I just can't afford to. I miss events like crazy. I miss going dancing several times a week like crazy. I have seen so many people who would be interested not get very good or completely stop dancing because they can't afford it.

These people just disappear from the scene, and it's so sad.

To be honest, sometimes it's hard to watch videos on Facebook or see my friends that I haven't seen or danced with in years post stuff and realize how much I am missing.

What is your advice for the "less rich"?

Dear friend, 

Thank you for your question. I think it is one that many people will identify with, even if their life circumstances do not entirely match your own. Money is a sensitive topic, and so I appreciate your courage in reaching out for advice in a public forum. So, you listed many ways in which you're pursuing dance that cost money: private lessons, classes, dances, events, babysitters. Let's broadly reclassify those into learning, local social dancing, and traveling to events, and then the overarching issue of childcare. 

Instead of private lessons or classes...

• You could watch class recaps online (e.g., there are several years' worth of classes from Jam Cellar in DC) and teach yourselves at home. It can be challenging to work with a partner (especially a partner who is your spouse) without a mediator/teacher there, but it can be done with lots of patience toward one another. 
• You could identify dancers whom you admire and analyze their dancing as seen online and choose what you want to emulate. Then film yourselves dancing and find the discrepancies one by one and work to improve your form until it better matches what you saw in the video. (This is how a lot of dancers worked to become better, before there were very many classes, so it's a tried-and-true method.) 
• Start a small practice group and run it in your home. Invite other dancers in your scene over to your house to practice while the kids nap or after their bedtime. If the other dancers have children, the kids could all play together. Then you will learn and enjoy socializing with other dancers. 

To go out to the local dance...

• You could do a babysitting trade. Presumably your children are asleep when the local social dances happen, so this ranks as pretty easy as far as babysitting jobs go. Reach out to other local parents and offer to trade nights where one parent stays at the other's house to make sure the kids are okay and the place doesn't burn down. If you don't know any other local parents yet, try joining a parents' group or a moms' group to meet some and then float this idea. I haven't met a parent yet who doesn't long for a date night and bemoan how the cost doubles when you pay for a sitter...I think you'd definitely find some takers. 
• Consider employing a younger babysitter who you could pay a lower rate than an experienced adult sitter, such as a teenager who lives nearby. Your local parent friends might have suggestions for trustworthy young people if you don't yet know any yourself. 
• Volunteer at the dance to defray or pay for the cost of the dance itself. This might allow you to get out with your husband at least once a month, if not more, for very little money. I know it's not the several times of week to which you were accustomed, but it is better than nothing, right?  

To go to events...

• Identify the costs and then examine how you can defray them. 
• Registration: Apply early to get the least expensive passes if you can. Again, volunteering at the event is a potential way to help with cost. Some events offer scholarships for dancers with financial need. I understand it might be difficult to think of yourself as someone who needs or is meritorious of that help, because you used to have the money to go out several times a week and to attend events, but it sounds to me like you do qualify just fine. For example, I know that Great Lakes Balboa Escape offers a scholarship for dancers with financial need. Even if nothing is expressly advertised, it doesn't hurt to reach out to organizers to let them know your situation and to ask them what they could do to help. The worst that could happen is they say nothing, right? 
• Transportation: Right off the bat I would strike any events that you can't drive to for the foreseeable future. Driving is so much less expensive than flying, so consider how far you would comfortably drive for an event and draw that radius around your home and see what events are within that area. That might be tough if the people you would want to see at an event are only at far-away events...still there might be regional events to go to, period, and you could reframe it for yourself as a way to meet new dancers... 
• Food: You have to eat whether you stay home or go on the road, so to what degree can you make your eating habits on the road similar to those you'd have at home? Can you bring groceries or prepared meals to reheat at your destination, for at least some of the meals of the day? 
• Accommodations: Can you ask to stay with local dancers rather than at a hotel? Depending on the location of the event, you might find someone who has a guest room rather than just a spare couch. If you'd be bringing the children, it'd be like camping...only indoors. Or, you might decide the benefits of a hotel really are worth it for proximity's sake and (potentially) free breakfast.
• Childcare: So either you bring the children with you or leave them at home; either way, it might get expensive. Do you have family who could watch the children for the weekend at your home? If you don't, or you'd rather bring the children regardless, consider looking for a local in-home daycare for the daytime; depending on the city and the provider, these can be pretty affordable (I was able to send my son to one in Cleveland for $30 a day, which was really inexpensive compared to DC prices). At night with the kids you will probably need to hire a babysitter if you and your husband want to go out at the same time versus trading off. Maybe you trade off for one night of the event and hire a sitter for the other. Still, childcare can be so expensive, I understand how it might mean events are off the table or only going to happen for a really special treat. 

Can You Help? 

So, these were a few ideas I had that might help you find ways to keep pursuing dance while not spending too much money. I'm sorry that I don't have more... I feel like there isn't a great answer to this question. 

Do other readers have ideas as to how two dancers with children can make attending events more affordable? Note that it's important to this reader to go out with her husband rather than going out on her own. What other free online resources are there for learning to dance? What other events offer scholarships for financial need? What other ideas do you have? 

Thank you again so much for having the courage to ask this question and for the honor of letting me try to answer it.